Narcissistic Mothers Play the Victim While Vilify the True Victim






 

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Comments

  1. Gail, reading this article was the final step in this 68 year old's recovery. Thank you, thank you, thank you. My husband read it too when I told him I "finially got it" He had a grin from ear to ear. After 40 plus years of watching what my mother did he told her off. He told my siblings off too! Wow, I sure suffered from this one, and now I am smiling. She even told me if I left my husband I could come back into the family then denied saying it lol. This is the best article I have read on the subject. I am very grateful to you. With best wishes to you and all who have suffered at the hands of a Narcissistic Manipulator.

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  2. Anonymous, I am so glad you are finding healing! Thank you for taking the time to let me know this article was helpful. Best wishes.

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  3. Whatever your troubles are, it's STILL always about the narcissist. My brother tried to commit suicide and went into a psychiatric unit. When the psychiatrist wanted to talk to my mother, she threw one of her famous "poor me, why is everyone picking on ME?" crying fits. When this didn't work on the doctor, she countered with her other trusty weapon, the temper tantrum followed by storming out of the office, screaming that the doctor was trying to turn her child (a 35 year-old man) against her. She was furious that her tricks of the trade didn't work, for once.

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    1. My heart goes out to you and your brother. The behavior you have articulated sounds disgustingly familiar to me.

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  4. My father had died, so his social security benefits came to me with the money under the control of the money until I was 18. I wanted to save the money for college. Instead, my mother went shopping. Every day when I came home from school, she'd hold up the clothes she'd bought that day with a cheery "Look what I bought us today!"

    Us? We weren't the same size and we certainly didn't share the same tastes in clothes. Every closet in our house was stuffed with her clothes, some not even worn.

    When I turned 18, power over the money reverted to me. I only had $1200 of it left. Not enough for school. What the hell..I went out and bought myself a snazzy used sports car. (Obviously this was many years ago.) I'd just work to get myself through school. I certainly wasn't going to get help from her -- she didn't believe "girls" should go to college.

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  5. Thank you Gail for your information on Narcissistic Abuse. It is so helpful and so encouraging!

    I am dealing with a mother and sister who have hated and shamed me for years. No, its more like since the day I was conceived. I am 52 years old and have had to go no contact with these family members because their covert abuse has caused too much emotional damage in my life.

    Unfortunately, at my father's request, I did go to my father's funeral at the end of JUNE. What a mistake that was! BM and BS stepped up their hatred and their attacks again!

    I came to offer care and comfort and BM practically spit in my face while BS ordered her security guard to come arrest my ass because "I AM SUCH A DANGEROUS AND EVIL DAUGHTER"!

    Who in their right mind hires a security guard for a funeral? Oh that's right, healthy and loving people work things out, it's the mafia who hires security guards?

    My children and I see how I was set up and how they spent their time planning my father's funeral, and demonizing and vilifying me as the evil daughter!

    Narcissist choose to vilify instead of handling the fact that I came with love and forgiveness in my heart only armed with a sympathy card and flowers for my BM. The cruel joke is on me. I can still hear my mother telling me how "I need to be the bigger person!" Yeah, so she can continue being hateful and abusive without question?

    A friend who came to support me told me he has never met a more rude and hateful group of people, and that day was one of the worst days in his life!

    To me it is so unbelievably sad and HATEFUL to have people who are suppose to love each other demonstrate that what they truly love is to hurt, damage and destroy others at any and all costs!

    I am glad to come across this forum and all the information you have provided. Thank you for sharing your truth to help those of us coming alongside a better understanding that we don't deserve to be treated so horribly.

    Thank you for giving us insight to provide the courage to help us keep living our lives everyday!

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  6. Good educational article, another thing, I hold my resources tighter, when someone wants access to my resources without paying for it or not give me something for my resources, but they say GOD BLESS YOU, I be like HELL NO, I may be cold, but common sense tells you not to be asking for free things, do something to get them.

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  7. i have a friend who has insulted me for years, made me believe that i'm ugly and unlikable by men. i confronted to her about all the things that she had told me for these years and she played the priestess. she never explained anything about my complaints but she pretended like she is an angel and i'm the ungrateful one. and finally she said that "after all your accusations, i'm still waiting for your mind to change" and thus she tried to make me feel guilty by imposing that suffering,innocent priestess image of herself. what a garbage-like heart she has!

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  8. This is my mother. She has a drinking problem, and we had a falling out after she received a DUI and I told her that this was a wake up call to get help. She sent me the most hate-filled email that I have ever laid eyes on. I was shocked, but shouldn't have been. Anyway, I decided that it was best for my mental health to stop speaking with her. In the meantime, she boo-hooed to my maternal grandmother and other extended relatives who in turn all bad mouthed me for being such a horrible daughter for not speaking to my mother. I am ecstatic that I live over 900 miles away from my hometown. I can't imagine how horrific it would be if I had to deal with them all in person on a regular basis.

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  9. Great blog and very helpful post.

    Envy means coveting (desiring) something that someone else has. Jealousy is present in a 3-way relationship (e.g., romantic triangle).

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    1. I have also had to deal with the same misfortunes in my life most of my life I have been the scapegoat in our family I am a good person and I have to keep telling myself that because when I'm around my mother and dad I'm selfish ungrateful unreliable and pretty much anything that is negative I've been into therapy to help me deal with this guilt my mother at this point is giving me the silent treatment I realize now that I have let them come into my safety I will choose from this day forward to keep my boundaries at bay no more will I be accused of causing havoc in our family I'm a loving caring successful mother and teacher The disappointments that my mother has expressed have taken so much told on me everyone loves my parents and family so it makes it hard for me to even trust myself but I know that my feelings are real and everything I'm reading here makes perfect sense thank you for sharing and giving me peace about this

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    2. Oh my gosh! You are telling my story. So grateful I found this! I'm actually feeling excited and joyful as the burden of guilt is being lifted and my eyes are opening!!! Thank you all

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  10. Reading your articles have seriously helped me to cope with coming to terms with discovering my mother is a malignant Narcissist. I never saw it when I was young, I left home just before I was 20 to make my own way in life. I chose to live and create my own family many miles away from my parents & siblings. For many years we hardly had any contact. It wasn't till my late 30's I brought my little family to visit them across the ocean, only visiting with them for a week or so every 3 or 4 years. It wasn't till my Dad died and the family set my Mother up with Facebook that her true colours came to be exposed to me. Everything was fine till I tried to correct her misconception of how Facebook worked. Not only did she call me a liar but proceeded to ignore any advice from me, no matter how kindly I put it. It came to a head when she kept "accidently" ignoring my little family's request for others to respect their privacy settings and to never share personal stuff. When I blew up about it she tried blaming another of my children for starting it. When I pointed out that Facebook noted times of posts actually proved she was the one who started the avalanche of improper shares, she wrote on Facebook "for goodness sake, it's Social Media, who ever doesn't like it should get off". I take heart in the fact that my children do not have much actual contact with her, can easily see what she is really like and treat her accordingly. Now that I know what she is and what she does, I question so much of my childhood! But reading your articles are helping me come to terms! Thank You

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  11. I have a question. What kind of manupliation would you call it when you disagree with mom and she gets upset and keeps saying, "Please support me! Please Love me! She does this every time I disagree with her.

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