The Scapegoat of the Narcissistic Personality Disordered Mother by Gail Meyers

The Scapegoat of the Narcissistic Personality Disordered Mother

© by Gail Meyers
The children are assigned rigid roles in dysfunctional families where alcoholism, sexual abuse or mental illness is an everyday reality. I have often seen it claimed that a narcissist must marry an enabling partner in order for the marriage to stay together.  The spouse is focused on the needs of the narcissist rather than the children.  However, in my experience a narcissist married another narcissist. So an adult child of a narcissist may very well be dealing with parents with more than one or even all of these issues. 

The assignment of these roles usually happens in early childhood, long before the child could possibly have any idea what is going on. A child may not be able to articulate it, but children very quickly understand the unwritten family rules that exist in dysfunctional families.

These roles are taken very seriously because at some level the family members realize the survival of the whole dysfunctional family system depends on everyone play…

Tactics of a Narcissistic Mother by Gail Meyers

The Scapegoats of a Narcissistic Mother

The Scapegoats of a Narcissistic Mother

© by Gail Meyers

The Scapegoats of a Narcissistic Mother will be available soon.  This book contains the things I wish I had known 30 years ago.  During the course of posting the essence of the book on the blog by the same name my computer, blogs, Facebook pages and even a couple of videos have been hacked.  So if you notice anything out of place, please let me know.

Additionally, videos are available on YouTube at Gail Meyers.


Update 6/08/2016: I am dealing with relentless hackings, harassment and even stalking. However, I anticipate being able to publish the book by late this year - 2016.

Update 3/20/2017: I have been relentlessly hacked, stalked, drugged, had chemicals sprayed on me in public, etc., and sustained serious physical injuries as a result of multiple perpetrator stalking. Additionally, all of my pages and accounts have been hacked. However, I still intend to publish my books, but this is the reason the first one was no…

The Narcissist's Smear Campaign

© by Gail Meyers
The narcissist's smear campaign involves gossip, lies and slander. You can become the target of a narcissist's smear campaign for numerous reasons. It can be anything from their insane jealousy, to the fact that the narcissist knows you see through their facade, to concealing their abuse or for simply disagreeing with them.

In my experience, the smear campaign is always used by abusers for what they consider premeditated damage control in anticipation of exposure. My alcoholic pedophile step-father used it during the years he sexually abused me, as well as continuing in it once I was an adult. Of course, that was first and foremost to keep me quiet about the abuse. Secondly, it was an attempt to discredit me so no one would believe me should I decide to tell. My narcissistic personality disordered mother used smear campaigns against her scapegoat children, anyone she was jealous of, anyone who attempted to hold her accountable, and anyone who saw through…

A Narcissist's Silent Treatment

Narcissistic Mother's Silent Treatment
© by Gail Meyers The silent treatment is "the act of ignoring and excluding a person or group by another person or group." It is a passive-aggressive form of communication that conveys contempt, disapproval and displeasure. It can be used in virtually any relationship for a variety of reasons, but control is the core issue in the silent treatment.
The silent treatment can be so destructive to relationships that John Gottman included it as one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships. In other words, it is a relationship buster. While some may use the silent treatment prior to learning more effective communication skills, chronic emotional manipulators often repeatedly use it to control, punish, test boundaries, avoid accountability and avoid even discussing unpleasant issues.
This discussion of the silent treatment starts out by joining Roger S. Gil, MAMFT for a closer look at the silent treatment in the context …

Narcissistic Mothers Play the Victim While Vilify the True Victim

Narcissistic Mother Playing the Victim  While Vilifying the True Victims Video

© by Gail Meyers
First up in the chronic emotional manipulator's bag of dirty tricks are pleas for pity, playing the victim, martyrdom, and vilifying the true victim. This is the first dirty trick in this series because of the destruction it can cause. This includes immediate results, as well as cumulative effects over the course of time.

Pleas for pity are a favorite of narcissistic emotional manipulators because compassionate people do not want to see people suffer. Manipulators know this, so they often resort to manipulating with pity in an attempt to get what they want rather than taking the honest approach of simply asking and allowing you to freely answer. The first step for codependents is recognizing when and how they are being manipulated. There is a distinction between helping someone who truly needs it and being played by a narcissistic manipulator.

In the mind of a manipulative narcissist…

Narcissistic Psychological Manipulators

© by Gail Meyers While we can all be manipulative at times, there are those among us who chronically and deceitfully manipulate others.  My narcissistic mother not only consistently used manipulation tactics, it was as if she was perfecting her craft.  
What is Emotional or Psychological Manipulation? To manipulate is: 
"to negotiate, control or influence something or someone cleverly, skillfully or deviously.""to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner."Who Are the Emotional Manipulators?Ross A. Rosenberg provides a strong foundation by defining an "emotional manipulator" as one with pathological narcissism, including these three personality disorders:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)Or, someone suffering from a chemical or behavioral addiction, such as sex addiction or gambling, is also considered an emotional manipulator because their addiction …

Recognizing Double Bind Coercion

© by Gail Meyers As adult sons and daughters of narcissistic personality disordered mothers, we are intimately familiar with double binds.  The proverbial double bind is a form of control without open coercion.  In other words, it is using a manipulation tactic without looking like you are manipulating.  It is being put in a damned if we do, damned if we don't situation, and damned if you say anything about it.

Double bind dilemmas leave us feeling trapped, confused and often exhausted. This article looks at five types of double binds, as well providing effective solutions. 

1.  The Ultimatum Double BindA dilemma requiring a decision between one thing and another thing, but choosing either one of them will bring a consequence you do not want to experience. Then, if you comment or confront the person bringing you this dilemma, that will bring you a consequence you do not want.All three responses will bring you consequences you do not want.So you decide you are not going to parti…

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